What people say and do to you isn’t about you... It’s a reflection of what they’re going through, how they’re feeling, and their own inner story—good or bad.

To remember this use the metaphorical mirror: 

Imagine you and I are standing face-to-face. You’re holding a mirror, and I have a laser pointer aimed directly at you. But because of the mirror you’re holding, where does the laser end up? Back on me.

This visual illustrates the Mind Strength skill of “Take Nothing Personally.” When someone directs negativity toward you, remember it’s not about you—it’s a reflection of them, their internal state, their struggles, their personal story. Your job is simple: Hold up your mirror and reflect it back, staying off the emotional “teeter-totter” of needing approval.

Too often, though, we drop our mirror. We absorb the negativity, criticism, or harsh words, allowing ourselves to ride the highs and lows dictated by others’ opinions. Keep your mirror up. This gives you a stable, secure foundation, free from the emotional ups and downs.

WALK-ON WISDOM: HOLDING UP YOUR MIRROR WITH FANS AND THE MEDIA

“Cali Reject!” *Hands clapping.* “Cali Reject!” *Hands clapping.*

I had just fouled out in a high school rivalry basketball game. As I walked off the court, the opposing student section—and even some parents—piled on, mocking me and reminding me of my failed move to California.

That was my first real taste of the highs and lows of being in the public eye. Later in my career, I heard it all:

“Falk, we love you!”

“Falk is King of the North!” (Game of Thrones fans)

“Falk for president!”

 And the next:

“Bench Falk!”

“F*** you, Falk—you suck!”

The media was no different. One article praised me. Another called for my job. If you play the game long enough—sports, business, or any arena where you put yourself out there—fans, critics, and outside noise all come with the territory. (I’m sure the same process will happen with my new book.)

These moments are when the metaphorical mirror becomes essential. Let praise pass through you without clinging to it. Let criticism pass without it sticking. Hold up the mirror, reflect everything back, while you stay rooted in your identity, your preparation, and your mission. 

Stay off the “Teeter-Totter Trap,” and Take Nothing Personally. 

I once saw Tom Brady reference a quote that has stuck with me ever since. It’s given me perspective in these moments and shaped how I handle both the cheers and the jeers. It’s from Theodore Roosevelt, and I believe every athlete, leader, and public performer should know it and internalize it:

"It is not the critic who counts;

not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,

or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,

whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;

who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;

but who does actually strive to do the deeds;

who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions;

who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,

and who at the worst, if he fails,

at least fails while daring greatly,

so that his place shall never be with those cold

and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Hold up your mirror. Reflect the noise. Play with everything you’ve got. Because you?

You’re the lucky one in the arena.

For more great skills, tools and stories like this one be sure to get my latest book, The Mind Strength Playbook today!