In our daily lives, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that others’ words and actions are a direct reflection of our worth. Inspired by Don Miguel Ruiz’s wisdom in The 4 Agreements, today we explore a simple yet powerful concept that what people say to you: isn’t really about you at all.

Person A Vs. Person B

Person A:

• Went to bed on time & got plenty of sleep
• Woke up and had a nice walk with their dog
• Had a delicious breakfast made for them with bacon, eggs, and all the good stuff.
• Went to school and aced a test they studied for.

Person B:

• Stayed up late drinking energy drinks, trying to cram studying in for the test.
• They fell asleep at 3 and woke up late. They discovered they had peed the bed because they had too many energy drinks before bed.
• They went to let the dog out, and he went to the bathroom in their neighbor's yard and went for a dog bag. When he realized he had run out, the neighbor came out and started yelling at him.
• Left to school with no breakfast
• Got to class to take the test and realized they studied the wrong material.

Questions:

• Who is likely to be in a better mood?
• Which person is more likely to say nice things vs. negative things?
• Who is going to be more kind and understanding?
• Who is going to be more patient?

The obvious answer is Person A…

Notice I didn't ask what the other person said to them or what the other person did…

This highlights what Don Miguel was teaching. Miguel stated that what people say to us is really a projection of how they are feeling about themselves and what they are going through personally (their own personal story). His point is that we shouldn't take things personally from other people because it's not about us, but it's all about them and what they are going through/feeling about themselves.

The Mirror Analogy: Reflect Rather Than Absorb

Imagine this: I have a laser pointer and you have a mirror. If I point the laser at your face and you position the mirror in front of you, the beam reflects right back to me. This simple analogy illustrates the power of not taking things personally. When you hold your mirror correctly, you deflect negativity back to its source instead of letting it hit you.

Yet, many of us hold the mirror but never use it effectively. We let the laser—the harsh words or criticism—strike us directly, internalizing it and reinforcing our need for approval. The same can be said when people shower you with positive praise. It’s still just a projection of how they are feeling about themselves and what they are going through, and it should not be internalized.

By choosing to reflect rather than absorb, we can break free from the approval-seeking mindset and protect our emotional well-being.

Why This Matters

By understanding that others’ comments are rooted in their own experiences, you can free yourself from the need for external approval. This shift in perspective not only protects your emotional well-being but also empowers you to maintain a positive outlook—regardless of the circumstances around you.

Mind Strength Skill: “Take Nothing Personally”

• Recognize that what people say to you is a projection of themselves, what they are going through, and how they feel about themselves—it’s not about you. This can be a great help in liberating yourself from needing people’s approval.

Stay tuned next week when we explore how to apply this skill in productively taking coaching, especially if your coach can be a hothead like some of the coaches I had.

"Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream." - Don Miguel Ruiz