Athlete Action

Raise your hand if:

• Something bad has ever happened to you.
• Have you ever dealt with a family issue?
• Has someone or something ever been unfair to you?
• Has someone wronged you or said something nasty?

If your hand is up, you're not alone.

Every time I give a speech, lead a group coaching session, or work one-on-one with a client, every single hand in the room goes up. Why? Because life is tough, and it doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, tall or short, black or white—at some point, you will face adversity. You will be a "victim.” But the crucial difference is this: do you adopt a ‘victim mindset,’ or do you ‘take ownership?’

Victim Mindset vs. Taking Ownership

To clearly illustrate these two ways of thinking, let’s compare the characteristics of those who fall into a victim mindset versus those who take ownership.

Victim Mindset

People with a victim mindset blame their circumstances for where they are in life. They shift responsibility onto others and make excuses for why they aren’t achieving their goals. Here are some common characteristics:

• Blaming external factors:
  • “My family is too poor.”
  • “My family is too rich.”
  • “I’m not tall enough.”
  • “I’m too tall.”
• They believe it’s always someone else’s fault:
  • “It’s my coach’s fault.”
  • “It’s society’s fault.”
  • “It’s the referee’s fault.”
• Making excuses:
  • “My alarm didn’t go off.”
  • “Coach didn’t tell me.”
  • “My mom didn’t wake me up.”
• Thinking life is unfair:
  • “I never get a fair shot.”
  • “I catch all the bad breaks.”
• Feeling entitled:
  • “I’m a senior, so I deserve to start.”
• Lack gratitude for what they have.

This mindset is limiting because it gives power away to external circumstances. If you believe you have no control, you can’t improve your life. You remain stuck. As Dave Ramsey often says, this is the Eeyore mindset—always thinking, “Woe is me.”

You see this behavior everywhere, including politics. One side blames the other, people make excuses, and progress is stalled. Is it any wonder why traditionally things don’t get done in Washington, D.C.?

Taking Ownership

People who take ownership, on the other hand, understand that their success and happiness depend on their actions and mindset. Here’s what sets them apart:

• They believe they can improve their situation.
  • They focus on what they can control.
• They take responsibility.
  • “I woke up late. I’ll be on time next time.”
• They work for everything and feel entitled to nothing.
  • “I have to earn it.”
• They look for solutions instead of excuses.
  • They adapt, strategize, and move forward.
• They have gratitude for what they have. 

“People who 'take ownership' look for and find solutions while the 'victim minded' person looks for and finds excuses.”

This was evident in the Two Twin Orphan Story we covered in our last blog post (E + R = O: The Formula for Success.) One brother took ownership of his life, controlled what he could, and found solutions. The other blamed his circumstances, made excuses, and stayed stuck all because of his victim mindset.

Who Do You Want to Be?

Think about the people in your life. Which type of teammate would you want by your side? Which kind of coach would you want to play for? More importantly, which type of person do you want to be?

If you want to take ownership of your life, here are some practical steps to start today.

Steps to Take Ownership and Avoid the Victim Mindset Trap:

1. Control the Controllable – (See our blog post- Control the Controllable: The Key to Reducing Anxiety and Boosting Performance.)
2. Have a Positive “R” Response – (See our blog post- E + R = O: The Formula for Success.)
3. Never blame or make excuses.
4. Practice gratitude and eliminate entitlement. (We’ll cover this more in our upcoming post.)

Mind Strength Skill:

• Taking Ownership
  • Controlling what you can and having a positive response to events in your life.
  • Never blaming your circumstances or other people.
  • Eliminating excuses.
  • Practicing gratitude—work for everything, feel entitled to nothing.

Mind Strength Workout for the Week

1. Go one full week without blaming anyone/anything or making excuses (Track your progress daily and strive to improve each day.)

“If, like me, you’re serious about peak performance, you need to work hard at the things that are within your control: your work ethic, how you treat your body, and your attitude. Especially your attitude. Things happen sometimes that I don’t welcome or want, but I make the choice to remain positive. That is something within my control. I don’t like to focus on negative or to make excuses. I am never a victim. I gain nothing if I get angry or frustrated. You can make life a lot harder for yourself by focusing on negative things in your path or making excuses for why things didn’t go your way. Or, you can refuse to take things personally, let them go, learn from them, and become the best version of yourself. It’s a choice. It’s actually your choice. Wisdom, someone once said, is about knowing the difference between the things you can control and the things you can’t.”
– Tom Brady (The TB12 Method)